This goes out to occasional ARL contributor Harry Dexter White, lately missing in action again, but always here in spirit.
Ho, Mr. White, your shining prince and notorious dragon-slayer, Mr. Ralph Nader (first among meliorists it seems) has sent along a most beautiful carriage to take you to the ball. There, he will engage your most fanciful desires for peace, fairness, and popsicles (oh, wait, that might be my dream rearing its head).
Alas, if we’d only known, all the world needs now isn’t “love, sweet love“, but, rather, the super-rich…or, at least, the super-rich who are also super-smart and have super-big hearts. You know, the philanthropic super-rich who also believe that, were it not for unfair tax laws, their genius and labor would have only led to the accrual of small fortunes. (Among his heroes: Warren Buffett, George Soros, Ted Turner….well, you get the idea…and, oh yeah, Bill Cosby and Yoko Ono for comic relief.)
But, these heroes, having super-big hearts, well, they’ve found themselves sitting on huge mountains of cash that they know – in their super-big hearts – that they just shouldn’t have.. Cash they’ve held onto – out of principle, mind you – not having seen fit to simply donate their largess to the US Treasury (where it would have gone if they’d actually been forced to “do the right thing”).
And, thankfully, now (in Nader’s head) it seems that they are finally ready, at long last, to use their super-powers (and super-big mountains of cash) for good. The sort of good that only super-rich atheists can conjure up. Oh, yes.
And, oh no, I don’t mean that they’ll simply continue to create goods and services that people want to buy, or simply invest in the productive capacity of human labor and industry, or simply continue to reap unfair profits that, greedily, must be re-invested, again, and again, simply to propel the whole ugly profit scheme forward yet again, round after round after round. NO! Not that, please, dear
God me, not that.
No, being super-smart and super-rich and super-big-hearted surely comes at a price, a (dare I say it) sacred duty to fix the messed up world once and for all. Nobody else can do it, obviously, but the super-smart and super-big-hearted super-rich who, believing they are taxed too lightly, apparently, still have no desire to simply give their ill-gotten gains to the government. I wonder, would that be too much like throwing it away?
Why, its almost like a cosmic accident, then, that they’ve been so unfairly taxed and, as a result, been able to accrue such super-big mountains of cash. It presents, after all is said and done, a genuine opportunity to use their super-big brains (steered by their super-big hearts) and use their super-huge piles of immoral booty to do what government can’t (or simply won’t) do.
Why, yes, this small, but super-powerful, cabal of supermen and superwomen can (and must) manipulate society for their own good, giving them, at long last, the democratic tools that have been deliberately kept out of their limited (non-super) reach.
And that, I’m sure, is just exactly how democratic principles have always been fostered. Were it not for small, but super-smart, super-powerful, super-left-wing, atheistic cabals, we’d not even know what democracy was, or how it worked, or why its a good thing, or whether or not its ever worked.
God Warren Buffett and George Soros for this (ooops, went off the track again there) virtual super-natural opportunity. Afterall, Nader’s hero’s (and Nader himself) would never resort to the sort of superstitious nonsense that looks to God for guiding principles. Oh, no, they are far more grounded than that, even when exercising their own god-like imaginations.
“Goodness”, as any rational human should already know, only comes from the sort of brutal competition that, almost inexplicably, only allows the super-smart (or the super-lucky) to rise to the top of the evolutionary heap, necessarily suppressing their potential for super-goodness until just such a time when it can really be used for good.
This book, I think, can be found in the “Fantasy” section of your local bookstore, right between “Fallacy” and “Farce”. Based on Chapter 1, it seems like a roaring adventure and, likely, a fairly accurate depiction of Warren Buffet’s, George Soros’, and Ted Turner’s actual thought processes, errr, I meant to say wet-dreams. Somebody please let me know how it all comes out.